Thanks to all my facebook friends who have written to me. Post comments on my blogs and tell me honestly what you think about anything I've written. I really believe that if it weren't for my friends and family over the years, I would not have been able to make it through everything. I want to give back to all of you in some way so if there is ever anything I can do, just let me know. I have signed up to be an organ donor, not that I'm doing a "Seven Pounds" type of thing or anything (by the way, if you've never seen that Will Smith movie I think it's great - but don't see it if you're depressed). The zen habits web blog has helped me because it talks about what is really important in life and how we should use every minute to the fullest. Live simply. Get your priorities straight. My mom, rest in peace, used to tell me to go around and see things, take vacations and enjoy life before you get too old and your health goes bad. I agree. I'm not saying we should go wild, but don't put off doing what you're passionate about. I want to write novels and a memoir. Travel around the world. Run marathons (I've signed up for one you know) and go on a long distance bike ride. I've also started reading more poetry (thanks Tasha-my University of S.C. professor friend who loves my students and works tirelessly to make sure we're teaching reading and writing workshop to the best of our abilities) - poetry is great:) and there is a good website called poets.org that is a good resource. I also have a challenge to beat my daughter on some Wii games - that's probably the hardest challenge of all. I want to make my loved ones proud of me - and even those that have gone on to better places will see that I'm trying to honor their memory. I've told my therapist that I don't want my mom or son or my kids' dad to think that I'm moving on and forgetting about them. It's hard when people say "you're so strong" because it makes me feel like I'm supposed to crawl in a hole. I really do struggle to make it through a day without wanting to do that and those of you who offer to go out for drinks sometimes and I say I can't, it's because I know that if I start drinking I'll probably go overboard and get into a funk. There for a while after John passed away and my mom passed away, I would go through a 750 ml of wine in a few hours or a 12 pk of Corona Light w/lime in a day. Sometimes I would take an Ambien CR with it because I didn't want to face reality. Then I realized I was only hurting my husband and daughter as well as myself. And I felt like those dreams I was having was John telling me to take it easy - that he's okay. And I was doing the same thing John did (mixing prescription drugs and alcohol) and I knew the terrible consequences of that. I gave my sister a book by James van Prague that she said told about how deceased ones communicate with us through dreams and I believe it.
Well, I better go. Please write and post comments to this blog!!! Until later...