Holiday Stress

Hi everyone,
I'm starting to feel the stress of the holidays. I can tell at work that everyone is getting stressed. We have to do so many things before our winter break and it doesn't seem like we can fit it all in. Of course, there are good things we're fitting in...like the students' strings and drama performances are one night. Then we have a chorus concert another night. I have my final project presentation tomorrow night for a math smartboard class. Then I have to meet or get in touch w/the insurance if they haven't been in touch w/my daughter yet about her car (someone scraped and dented the side and left) -that happened in the parking lot at Midland'sTech. Then trying to get arrangements made for our families to get together for Christmas.

I'm not whining...I'm really not. I'm glad that I have a little hustle and bustle because its all for good stuff. There are some people who are stressed because of health issues or they're homeless or they have friends or family addicted on something. So my stress is nothing compared to a lot of people who have it much worse than I do. I'm really a very lucky and blessed person because I know what it's like to have had a great son who was caring, compassionate, had a good sense of humor, smart, athletic, and who loved me. And although he's gone and I miss him more everyday, I thank God that he has been in my life from April 19, 1987 until January 31, 2008.

The same with my mom. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her also. She didn't have me unil she was 41 1/2 years old. She had problems with high blood pressure and was hospitalized a lot during my infancy and childhood, but she always made sure all of us kids were well taken care of. She always read to me and then I read to her - every night. That was the best gift she could give me. Spending time next to her knowing she was listening to every word and seeing her face light up when mine would light up.

After I had my son and daughter I understood what that was like. My daughter has really gotten closer to me after my son's death. Her and I haven't always been as close to one another as I would have liked. But after that night, she has been right by my side. I have had issues and arguments over some bad choices she's made, but now I feel like she's listening to what I'm telling her. I think she is letting me into her shell that she keeps so tightly around her. I'm proud of her for coming out of that shell, going back to college, taking an interest in the house, cooking, reading novels again (Chuck Palaniuk fan), and really helping me out whenever she can. She's matured so much. And Sarah, if you ever read this, I want you to know how much I appreciate you and how I pray to God everyday for your safety and health, because you're a blessing and I don't ever want to lose you.

I now have a fear that I'm going to lose other loved ones unexpectedly because of my history with losing others. I know I can't worry about it, or fear the future, but it's become a panic attack if I get a call kinda late or if someone is gone too long, I'm anxious and scared something happened to them. One time I couldn't get in touch with my sister and I kept trying on the phone, cell phone, and left messages. I was going to go to her house and check on her. But then she called and said her phone wasn't charged and she didn't hear the home phone because she was asleep in another room. I was so scared because I thought how about if someone broke in and did something to her, or how about if her heart gave out because she has a heart condition. If I lost someone, anyone, right now, I think I'd have to be put into a mental place. I'm so tired of finally getting to the point where I feel like everything's going fine, everyone is okay, life is good, but the, BOOM - someone comes down with cancer, or gets killed, or they get sick and die. Didn't I say earlier I wasn't going to whine? I'm just saying that I'm a positive person but after so many tragedies you start to wonder what all this positive stuff is really for? It seems like I get myself up just to get pushed back down again. Right now I'm fine but I hope this ride lasts awhile.

I'll be glad to spend time with my older brother and sisters and my nieces, nephews and their families and my husband and daughter. We'll have great food, good conversations, catch up on stuff, and enjoy every minute we're together. I know now that these times are to be relished because as the years go by, there are less opportunities to tell others how much you love them. Tell them as much as you can. This reminds me of a Jim Croce song -"Time in a Bottle" - I wish I could save time in a bottle. If I would have known it would have been that last Halloween my kids wanted me to go trick-or-treating with them I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to go home and I would have taken more pictures of them in their outfits, or the last Fair ride we went on, or even the last time I would get a hug or kiss (John). Spend as much time with your kids, family, friends as you can. One of my students today was walking down the hall in the line and she go a hold of my hand and looked up at me and asked, "Mrs. Boggs, why are you so nice?". That almost brought tears to my eyes. I told her, "Because you all are so nice." That is one of the moments I will cherish forever.

Don't worry about stupid stuff. Just be. The time you spend will be worth it.
Hope you are enjoying getting ready for your Holidays. Please write or comment. I really do care about our comments.
Thanks, Nancy